Some of my earliest memories as a child I remember not putting a label on myself I just was me. And I interacted with the world with no preconceptions. I was enough.
Fast forward into adulthood I was living to the labels assigned to me and those I assumed I should be working towards. I just wasn’t being. I interacted with the world with fear, whilst over considering every step.
I didn’t think I was enough, there was always another goal to attain. I was living but, I wasn’t alive.
When you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, there is no grounding for the present. It’s impossible to believe you are enough with this mindset.
To believe you are enough you have to love yourself. You’ve got to look in the mirror, and look back and say this is what I working with today and I’m fine as I am.
Accepting yourself is half the battle, expressing yourself in its truest form is equally as challenging. You probably limit yourself and so do others, without much encouragement!
To live and not be who you, whilst living someone else’s life is jarring, it’s like trying to push a balloon under water and fighting it every time it resurfaces. It’s tiring.
When you don’t question whether someone’s else’s truth is actually your own and you bind your identity with trying to impress people you don’t like with external goals, such as education, career, money, house, clothes, car, partner. It’s tiring.
But goals can be continually replaced with bigger goals. If it’s done with the intention that the internal feelings of self-acceptance will follow, the journey won’t end happily. Goals need to enjoyed for what they are, instead of using it to build your self up, as its like pouring water into a leaky bucket, and hoping it will stay full.
At some point you have to stop chasing the external goals, and focus on what you have right now. Focus on the strengths you have right now. You are enough.
Believing you are enough does test you on a day to day basis. It’s like being in clear water for a long period of time, and then when you least expect it CRASH! You get knocked over by a wave, and you struggle to regain your footing.
I’ve learned that even in this dark time you need to hold on to that small glimmer of light, and focus on that positive feeling until it grows.
When I am having a dark moment during a run, where I’m so physically and mentally tired the doubts start piping up, it’s impossible to ignore the doubts, but I try and balance the argument as I focus on the positives…”My legs are tired, I feel so weak, I can’t do this…Hold on, can I still move forward? Yes. Am I injured? No. Are you still moving forward? Yes that is progress. Look how far you’ve come! Remember all the training you done! Remember the reason your doing this. Keep going!”
You can’t control or necessary stop external turmoil, but you can focus on that tiny flicker of light, be it motivation to get yourself up or to believe that you are enough.